Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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