Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
