Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
