I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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