woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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