i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
