If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
