totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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