uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
