happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
