6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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