can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
