she woke up with a sticky ear
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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