My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Randomize
