Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize