I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
