Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
