This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize