I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
