dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
