All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
