I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
