I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
