i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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