you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
