Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
