I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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