you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
