big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
