i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
