it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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