It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
