I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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