why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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