I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
