Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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