There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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