if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
