the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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