She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
