i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
