the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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