Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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