Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
