i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
