He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
