i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well you can't waste a boner
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
