i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
