I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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