not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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