There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
