There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
