The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
