Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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