i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
