my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
