If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry about my life...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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