I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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