Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
