college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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