Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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