Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
