Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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