remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
