He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
