My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drunk is a universal language darling
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
