did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
