I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My cat gives me a boner
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
