do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
